Bargain Offences Act

Don't all law students hate poorly drafted legislation? The fewer issues open to a judge's discretion and complicated common law rules, the easier exam note making can be. Nonetheless, here is my poorly drafted legislation criminalising certain behaviour during the sale period. We're all guilty of being impulsive, and what better time to address the issue than now when the end of season sales are raging harder than ever. This act seeks to criminalise such behaviour and minimise the number of items hanging in the bargain-wasteland section of your wardrobe.

If you're the defence, what loophole can you exploit here to avoid conviction? Thankfully of late I've been shameless and in ample supply of soup. Wishing you all the best during "final sale"!

Bargain Offences Act 2014 (you)
An Act to consolidate certain Acts relating to purchasing behaviour during sale time; and for other purposes.

PART 1 – Interpretation
1 – In this Act –
   ability refers to a person’s financial means to purchase a fashion item, excluding their credit limit;
   fashion item "item"- including, but not limited to, black leather, boots and other items of profound importance. For example, clothing and     accessories that are worn or carried, or anything considered a “fashion item” by the fashion community;
   rare unlikely to be on the market in your size ever again;
   significant wear the fashion item is worn at least three times a fortnight;
   want a person’s willingness to own an item.

2 – Aggravated Offences
   (1) An aggravated offence is an offence committed if the defendant purchased an item on sale that they would not have wanted before      determining their ability to purchase; or
   (2) if the defendant purchased an item that they wanted a size larger or smaller, hoping to make it fit anyway.
        (a) successfully making it work will not aggravate an offence.

PART 2 – Crimes of the irrational bargain hunter
3 – Bargain Offences
   (1) A person is guilty of a bargain offence if –
          (a) the offender purchased an item that on the balance of probabilities would not get significant wear; and
          (b) the item was not rare and wanted; or
          (c) the offender purchased an item knowing it would be unflattering on their body type; or
          (d) the item purchased is not cohesive with other items currently in the purchaser’s possession; or
          (e) the item –
              i) is not black; and
              ii) black was the first preference in colour.
   (2) It is a full defence to an offence under this section if the defendant purchased the item with the sole intention of reselling.

     Maximum Penalty:
           (a) for a basic offence– shame for 1 week or return the item;
           (b) for an aggravated offence– return the item and/or 1 year of shame and no soup for you.

Paul Harnden jacket, wool
Paul Harnden apron dress, wool, linen
Rick Owens asymmetric tank, cotton
Guidi boots, calf leather

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Stephanie Clayton said...

How witty! I'm not an offender...yet. ;) Oddly, I have not felt the desire add to my closet at the moment. I'm sure that will change when I have more time to shop! Beautiful PH shaping here, that silhouette suits you perfectly.

Pret a Porter P said...

haha cute. esp. the "not black" part.

Mia said...

I admire your restraint and direction!

Thank you :)

Mia said...

Oddly enough I've generally been pretty happy with the non-black items I've purchased... but still, calculated risks don't always pay off!


Good one! Red it couple of times :)
(Btw, this style of embedded comment form doesn't work on iPads most of the time - just let you know.)

Mia said...

Thank you, The Divinitus! Hmm I've been having trouble on my Mac/iPad as well. Just switched to pop-up window, hope it starts working. Thanks for the heads up! :)

David Lee said...

Great fit and textures as always.
Btw I think you have too much free time on your hand, or you had too much coffee lol

Mia said...

David, procrastination is a hell of a time waster!

Aggie Cavalli said...

I absolutely adore your Rick Owens pieces! Your photos are very natural and the editorial and breezy as well. Very well done!